When I was little I pretended I was a princess - now I wonder why I ever stopped?
I don't remember when it happened. My only guess is that some know-best grown-up came along and told me to "be an adult about it"; that life was a serious thing. Oh, and that I should already know what I wanted to do later on because I too would have to pay rent one day, and taxes and bills. Don't forget the only thing that measures your success is the number of zeros on your paycheck at the end of the month. So in order to have a life that has a meaning at all you'll "work hard" and also "worry" because, you know, there's not enough jobs for everybody. Economy's bad. And then one day you'll end up bankrupt and dead because the bailiff came and he took everything, even your hamster.
It's true to the degree you wish to follow a certain behaviour pattern in society and there's nothing wrong with it.
Only there's everything wrong with it as far as it concerns... _me_.
I have to admit to something I do every now and then: I actually quite frequently ponder about how unbelievably lucky I am to live the life I have. As I'm writing this I'm on a plane from Berlin to Paris, back from work...... little Polish girl following destiny's "higher plans".
Or is she?
Because I very well remember the day I decided what I wanted and simply pretended it was already happening. Yes, I pretended; not only did I _make_myself believe I could have what I wanted but I also imagined I already had it. This included images, situations, emotions (I mean very literally my heart would start beating faster and I'd get genuinely excited). Like an actress.
You'll notice it includes another word and that is: "act". If you want something you have to act. Do stuff. The first thing you need to _do_ is decide what you want. Not what is "real" but name exactly and very specifically what you'd want. It doesn't have to be - and as a matter of fact _shouldn't_be - serious or heavy. The "lighter" and more insouciant you can be about this the more likely it's going to happen. The trick is not clinging to it and "wanting it so badly it hurts". Have you ever noticed that the more you "must have" something the more you pull in the exact opposite? You "must have" your job. And you "worry" about losing it. And you worry so much and you really can't imagine how you'd live without it that you end up... getting fired!
I have countless examples of how something started in my mind as a wish and ended up materialising itself later on. I can also think of a couple where I just became a "serious grown up" about it and sabotaged my own Pretend Game. The good news is: I alone decide when and how to play!
So what is it that you'd want to happen..?